Nothing to Say

Lead us beyond the curtain,
Lead us to You
Lead us to intimacy,
Yahweh with You.

I played guitar tonight for the first time in a long time.  Like I used to.  There was a time when I would often strum guitar with a notebook handy.  In those days I wrote a lot of songs.  I had things to say. 

Tonight I strummed.  Melodies came to mind.  But no words.  No meaningful words.  Cliché phrases, yes.  But nothing substantial that I really meant.  I want to write again.  I want music to be an outlet.  I want to be creative and have times of quiet contemplation and expression.  But there’s nothing there. 

Books, tv shows, movies…these have been my outlets.  Have they been sucking me dry? 

I felt more like myself than I had in a long time a couple days ago.  Interacting.  Having something to say.  It was a happy thing.  And it made me think that the break down of the past almost year is maybe coming to an end.  But…I’m not sure that I’ve changed in the most important way.  Being a beggar.  Needing Jesus.  I’m feeling more capable instead of more dependent. 

I need to be a beggar.  I need to need.  To be desperate.  Meet Jesus face to face.  Maybe then the songs will well up within again.