Spinning Plates

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

 

Rest.  A word that has repeatedly invaded my world.  Repeatedly because I need the reminder again and again.  I don’t rest well.  I especially don’t rest in my Saviour well.  Too often it takes months for me to notice that I’m not carrying the weight He has given me but rather the weight that I have put on myself and think others have put on me.  My mind becomes consumed with that weight.  Trying to put everything in it’s place.  Trying to control everything in my world.  Spinning plates.  Many plates.

And then a plate slips, it doesn’t quite crash and I try to salvage it.  That plate consumes my thinking and before I know it another one is about to fall.  How long I continue in this state of appearing in control while becoming more overwhelmed and tired by the moment is scary. 

It really is the grace of God that opens my eyes to see that it is more than I can do before all the plates have crashed and I become a nervous wreck, burnt out and broken beyond repair.   I started spinning a plate a few months ago that I thought would be difficult but doable.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  It is impossible for me to spin that plate.  I am incapable.  And now God is using that plate to show me how wobbly all of the other ones are.

It took some getting away, walking through the autumn leaves, to clear my head.  To see clearly.  (And do I see clearly even now?)  I need Jesus.  Desperately.  Not just to run a good ministry.  But because *I* need Him.  He needs to be my passion.  Just because He is worthy.  He needs to be my centre because my sole purpose of existence to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  Ministry may flow out of that, but ministry is not the end!  Jesus is!  I need to know Him.  I need to learn from Him.  I need to rest in Him.  And He will give me the load I need to carry.  And He promises that it is easy and light.  I’ve been carrying too much.  

 

Whenever I look away from Your face

Trying to make it on my own

Your grace comes and lets me fall

Into Your arms again

 

Into Your arms I’m running now to hide

Into Your arms I come and lay it all down

Into Your arms, Jesus, I come

I come, Jesus to You 

Exactly What I Need

Odd as it sounds, driving a van full of grade 10 boys to the annual
student leadership conference was part of what I needed this week.  For
one it was a confidence booster.  God has used this age group before in
my life to fight insecurity.  There’s something nice about having a
bunch of teenage boys fighting to be in your vehicle because they think
you’re cool.  Any youth leader would be pumped about that.

It was nice to be out of the context of law abiding, in control, good
youth leader/chairwoman/person.  Instead, I enjoyed being the driver
who allowed loud music (and head banged and sang my voice hoarse to
"14"), lead the caravan and promoted Chinese fire drills.  It was nice
to just be and listen to a genre of music that is not normally on my
palate.  Great group of guys.

I’m not sure why God chose to use another group of teenage guys to
speak to my heart this week.  (It’s actually quite humbling…)  The
music for the conference was lead by recent graduates and some current
students of two of the Christian schools that attended the conference. 
Some criticisms were voiced but over powering that for me was amazement
that teen guys who are clearly musically talented would choose to
worship God with abandon.  To stand up among their peers and be
unashamed in worship.  Not all of them perhaps, and I can’t see their
hearts so it could possibly be none of them.  But the lead singer
especially impressed me.  Sure he repeated some parts of songs far too
many times for my liking but it seemed that he was sincerely worshiping
and humble.  Rather than taking every moment to promote himself by
singing directly into the mic he often held the mic away and let the
group carry the melody.  In his actions and his words he never directed
the attention to himself or the band but always to God.

Would that there were more young men like that!  And may other guys
have seen the band guys and be challenged to be unashamed worshipers. 

But I derailed.  I needed that as a challenge to myself as a worship
leader, as a worshiper and as someone who teaches other musicians about
worship.  My heart turns cold so quickly.  I so quickly focus on
details.  And that affects how I lead and what I example to others.

There were other good things about this week: main sessions with Glen
Madden, who is both funny and intense; hands on learning about
different ‘pigs’, or types of leaders from Chris Marchand; singing with
the girls for the talent show (including a practice that could be
described as nothing short of geeky!  ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Let it Rise!’) and
some good one-on-one discussion and prayer with one of the girls.

Unfortunately as a result I am now sick and tired.  So exactly what I need is some sleep and hot honey-lemon water. 

Music for the Weary

These last couple weeks have been necessary and very uncomfortable as it is any time God reveals long held internal sin.  In this case ‘respectable sin’.  I’m no where near the other side yet but in the process God has been using music to get to my heart.  It seems to be His way with me.  When my mind refuses to bend the right way making any ‘thought processes’ dark circles, when reading the Word holds no pleasure, when I don’t know what to pray because of lack of desire, when I am confused, then it’s time to sit at the piano or pace and sing.  These two songs, which were written when I was in similar states, have been on my lips today:

Confession
Lord, I am on my knees
I come to tell You I’ve failed
Lord, there’s things I haven’t let go
Things no child of Yours should hold

And though I am clean still I,
I am dirty needing to be clean
And though You saved me still I,
Need to be rescued to be holy, Lord

Lord, it’s not just a fault
Something I should do better
It’s black as sin can be
Open my eyes so I can see sin clearly

Pride, lust of the mind, selfishness
Keep me from enjoying Your presence
Lord, I need You so much
I can’t get rid of myself

If we confess our sins He promises to heal us
And to purify us and make us righteous.  Thank You Lord.
~DJ Friesen 2004

Living Sacrifice
In Your death I choose to die
Not in part, complete must be
At Your feet myself I lie
My life, my time, all of me

A living sacrifice to You my God

May I always be

Never from the altar far to stray

Always to worship Thee

None of me but all of You
Rid me of my selfish will
Till in me Your love rings true
And my body You do fill

Yours are my hands and my feet
All of my body is Yours
Living and breathing in me
The Holy Spirit my source
~ DJ Friesen 2004