Talking

I thrive on theory, analyzing and being right.  I like things to be
black and white or, at the very least, black and white about being
gray.  This has had some important effects on my life.

I think of God through my perspective.  That means I am very aware that
He has a big picture plan for everything that happens and that I am
part of that plan.  I’ve often thought of God as a Chess Master, moving
pieces as seems best to Him.  But far less have I thought of God as
being intimately interested in me.  In my life.  In His plan for me,
not only in light of the big picture, but in light of my own life
span.  His plan for me because He loves me.  I usually forget
that He takes care of me not just because it’s His duty as God to do
that but because He truly desires to. 

This has affected how I pray.  How I view prayer.  I suddenly realized
that I’ve been connecting the word ‘prayer’ with something that is
done.  A sort of ritual that all devoted followers of Jesus do. 
Something that I should do more but in a punching-into-the-clock sort
of way.  The phrase "I should pray about that more" conjures up putting
in time and a sense of guilt.  It’s connected to my view of God because
it’s like a business transaction.  Something that needs to be done
because ‘prayer changes things’ and Jesus told us to pray.  Thinking
when you punch the action into the formula you’ve got the right way of
doing what God wants and in turn God will do amazing things. 

I need to think of prayer as talking to God.  Communicating with Him. 
Asking advice as I would ask advice from others not just telling Him
how I think things should be done.  Telling Him what’s on my heart.  I
know all this but for some reason I don’t know all this. 

Thinking theoretically has made it harder for me to embrace feeling or
expressing emotion, which has made being in relationship with people
and God cold and surreal. 

Too often I’ve stopped at the theoretical.  Figuring out what ‘should
be done’ but never actually doing.  Understanding but lacking the
motivation of love to put hands to my thinking.  I think communicating
with God rather than going through a ritual is an important step in the
process of changing that.

Gone

Two and a half hours to burn a house down leaving a family with nothing but the clothes on their backs, a couple sleeping bags and a van without a key. 

Someone said this made them not want to have anything.  It makes me not want to be attached to what I have. 

It also reminds me that life is really short.  We’re here today, maybe tomorrow but time is fleeting.  What is important to us now?  What are we investing in?  Cliché, I know.  But still worth thinking about. 

Also makes me want Jesus to come soon. 

Twenty Four Years Later

After twenty four years I announced to my church today that I am switching churches. 

This is a pretty big deal for me.  A big step.  While it makes a lot of sense for me to move on to the church I will be attending and in a sense it doesn’t feel weird, in another sense it feels very weird to be leaving my home church without changing my address.  It feels like a drastic thing. 

More than anything I am excited about the change.  I’ll be attending a church that has enjoyed a spurt of growth over the last ten years.  Right now they are wrestling with how to make more space in the sanctuary.  This fall they had 11 baptisms.  A year ago they welcomed a new pastor. 

One thing I am definitely looking forward to is having my church life intersect with my every day life.  In the past my church experience has been completely segregated from my ‘real world’.  It was like a different culture.  I’m thankful for that experience because I believe it makes me a more rounded and understanding person.  But I am ready to be able to interact with my youth kids at church.  To be able to interact with their parents at church.  To be going to church with people in my college and career group. 

I’m also excited about being part of the Ladies Sunday School class.  It’s helped having a college and career group and meeting with an ‘older’ woman every other week but the fellowship will be nice. 

I’m also looking forward to listening to cohesive sermon series.  The church I’m leaving does not have an official pastor so we’ve had a variety of people speaking on Sunday mornings.  It is nice to have the variety.  For a time. 

A new chapter is starting.  I think it’s going to be good.

The Latest and Greatest

At the beginning of December I was so happy that I didn’t have any plans to go anywhere.  In October I had gone to a student leadership conference and the Ontario CSSM Personnel conference.  In November I went to BC with family to celebrate Christmas and then to a youth conference.  December was supposed to be quiet. 

And then…

My brother’s knee infection acted up right before Christmas.  It climaxed to the point where I decided to fly out there to drive him around.  The day I arrived, Christmas Eve, he went into emergency surgery.  The rest of the holidays was spent changing his dressings, helping Karen, my sister, host her in-laws and having lots of family time over board games and "Hungry, Hungry Hippos."  It ended up being a really good holiday, even though Christmas morning was spent in the hospital waiting for Kevin to be discharged. 

(Side note: There are pictures of Kevin’s knee on the right in an album.  When I left he was healing well.  Since then there have been complications.  His incision reopened because there was so much swelling.  If he doesn’t improve by Monday they will have to do surgery again.  His knee started acting up at the end of August so it’s been along road and promises to be longer still.)

Since then I’ve been back in the swing of things with youth, FYG and GIFT.  I’m in a season of enjoying something I’ve missed for four years: co-workers.  It is a wonderful thing to be working with a team/teams rather than figuring everything out on my own.  Thank you Jesus!