Love and Such

My thoughts have been on marriage quite a bit lately.  And no, not just because I just got married!  Besides helping Josh teach sex ed for his gym class (he took the guys, I took the girls) last week, I’ve been leading a series of discussion at ISCF that I’ve entitled “Love and Such.”

To prep for this series I’ve been reading a book called Soul Virgins.  This book reminded me of something I read when I was fresh out of high school in another book, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is: sexuality is good and God given.  So often in Christian circles I find that we repress the idea of sexuality and just say “don’t have sex, it’s dirty until you’re married”, if we even say that much.  And yet God created us as sexual beings, which includes gender and emotions and feeling and passion.  This is good!

The difficult part is figuring out what God’s desire is for those who are still single, especially high school students who have so many hormones swirling around and yet are so far away from marriage it would seem.  (And these are the people I find myself talking to each week.)

I don’t have a complete answer but I believe at least part of the answer is about perspective.  And that’s where marriage comes in.  What we believe about marriage will affect what we think of sexuality.

I believe marriage is about becoming one in every way (which includes physically).  In this context there is commitment beyond “I’ll give 50% and you give 50% and as long as I still love you and feel loved we can be together.”  It is more than just seeing the cute guy/girl and hooking up.  This is a deep and intimate connection where two lives intersect: financially, socially, emotionally, physically, spiritually.  In this case physical connection is a bond and a pleasure connected to the entire relationship of the couple.

I also believe marriage has more meaning than two people who love each other spending life together.  It’s a picture of an even deeper and more intimate relationship: Jesus and His bride – the church, which is all Christians everywhere.  As such, it should reflect how Jesus gave so much for the church and how we are called to give much in return.

Now, it seems to me that God holds marriage as something that is excellent, good and beautiful.  It also seems to me that He considers it very important that something as intimate and deep as sex be kept for that intimate relationship.  You see, I don’t think He wants it that way because He is no fun and doesn’t understand how humans function.  I think He wants it that way because He knows that is the best way to have the best sex life ever.

As a single that fact encouraged me to be sexually pure.  Things like statistics of STI’s and pregnancies were not enough.  Nor was hearing of emotional consequences.  It was knowing there was something good ahead that gave me motivation to strive to be pure physically, emotionally and mentally.  I didn’t pass through my single years completely unscathed but what a joy to give my husband my first kiss, and myself.

So, you can keep praying for me as I keep thinking, studying and talking to teens about this topic, which really affects all of life, and also as I learn how to live it out in my marriage as well.

And so it Begins

Hard to believe it’s been almost three weeks since I became Debbie Pawluk.  So much time and thought and preparation went into that one day that was relaxed and fun but also quickly gone.  I have to say, it’s nice to be done the planning and prepping!!!

Our day was beautiful and relaxed.  We started early with a 6am breakfast for Josh and me.  It was only half an hour but SO good to be able to talk, be together and pray together.  This is one thing we would recommend to any couples getting married!  We found it really helpful to connect before the busyness of getting ready set in.  Had we not done this our first chance to talk would have been in the car on the way to the reception.

Then it was off to hair, then makeup, then dress, then a quick prayer before it was time to walk the aisle.  When I bought the dress I couldn’t wait for Josh to see me in it and that desire was met.  My dad delivered me to a teary eyed Josh, who was all smiles.

Our ceremony was light hearted yet solemn, relaxed yet meaningful.  The verse we chose was 1 Peter 4:8 which says, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”  For us marriage is not only the two of us becoming one and learning to love each other, it’s a picture of Christ and the church.  For that reason we chose the song Beloved by Tenth Avenue North to be sung by a cousin while we signed the registry and did the unity ceremony.

We were stunned with how many people joined us for our special day.  We estimate between 300-350 for the ceremony and 220-230 for the reception.  Thank you to all our friends and family who blessed us with your presence!  And your presents!

Our reception was also laid back.  Thanks especially to our MCs who did a great job.  We enjoyed a breakfast lunch complete with cinnamon buns as our wedding cake.  It was good to be able to chat with a few people before we headed out on our secret honeymoon.

For our honeymoon we went to a ski resort about 2-3 hours south.  We were in a villa, complete with fully stocked kitchen and fireplace.  It was the perfect place to relax after months of wedding planning and teaching school and just enjoy being together without any appointments or plans.  We enjoyed some shopping, snowboarding and eating out.

And then it was back home to the task of setting up house and getting into routine.  After spending Christmas with family of course!  And now organization is winning the upper hand over chaos.

We’re loving being married and being settled into the space that God has provided for us right now.  Feel free to come for coffee sometime!  We’d love to have you!