With all the thinking I’ve been doing lately about marriage and roles about men and women, a fairly unique thought has come to me regarding beauty. Several months ago I read Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only. The book is targeted at married women to teach them about what’s going on in the inner life of their men. One of the points she makes is that men appreciate when their wives make an effort to be healthy and attractive at whatever stage she’s at in life.
So what’s my point and how does this connect to singles? I think as singles we all are concerned about what we look like and looking good, although in varying degrees of intensity. So we don’t necessarily need a reminder to take care of ourselves physically but I think that we can have a different perspective on why we take care of ourselves physically.
I’ve thought of this in a few areas. One is my hair. I havn’t dyed it or permed it. When I was younger it was because it would have been rebellious growing up in a more conservative home, but now there are several reasons. One reason is that it’s a way of serving my future husband; so that he will have soft hair to play with. Another area is weight loss and toning my body. Again, there are several reasons why I’ve started getting more physically active (and by more I mean from zero to just enough to say I’m doing something!) but one of the things I’ve thought of is it’s another way of serving my future husband; by having a healthier and more beautiful body, his pleasure in me can be increased.
My point is that it is possible to pursue physical attractiveness with a motivation of service. Simply put: wanting to bring delight to our husband. It doesn’t necessarily change what we’re doing, but it takes the focus off us and puts it on someone else, even though we may never have met him. A friend of mine blogged a while ago about being intentional and thinking of the ‘so that…’ of what we do. In this case to think, "I’m going to be healthy so that I have a greater gift to give my husband in my body" rather than "I’m going to be healthy so that I can look good and will be the centre of attention wherever I go." Of course, this should not be the only motivation for being healthy and looking good, or maybe even the primary reason, but I think it’s a good thing to think about.
Two points of clarification. One, by preparing myself for my husband, that does not give me free license to display myself in the mean time. The gift of my body is for my future husband, not every guy I meet in between. Second, I am not suggesting that we need to achieve, or should even strive to achieve, the standard of beauty that Hollywood has created. In Bible school, one of the most beautiful girls was overweight. Even though she wasn’t a size 0, she dressed attractively and applied makeup appropriately. She had a beauty that radiated and it was impossible to not say that she was beautiful, regardless of her size. What I am suggesting is striving to look our best at whatever weight, age, height we are or whatever body shape we have.
Really, I’m not suggesting any changes in what we are doing as women to look beautiful, as much as giving another reason for thinking about our appearance: that of serving our future husbands.
Your thoughts? I wouldn’t mind some feedback on this one.
the.happenings 
Amen! I agree. Ha ha… when you started talking about never dying your hair, I thought for a split second that you would say you are going to dye it. Gasp. No, seriously, I agree. I\’ve been thinking about that recently as well (your topic, not your hair color). Beauty is an ever resurfacing topic in my mind, as you know, but thinking of it on that angle has been something I\’ve been chewing over since this summer. Where to draw the line between natural beauty and contentment, and what is appropriate for a woman to enhance what is already beautiful for another purpose which is, as you stated, for marriage one day, but not trying to change herself with wrong motive. Or making it the only goal, which could be disappointed. I think you stated that balance very well. Thank you for writing it.
Did you write this before or after you asked me when I was at your house what I thought about it or whatever happened there? Theres too many rules adn complications and lines to be drawn with beauty. I dont like that many rules. Makes it really, more than it should be. Like, having to find a place to be, not wearing too much makeup, and not looking like sh*t all the time. It makes me not want to get up in the morning b/c even if I think I look fine without makeup, other people have a problem with it b/c I am not "presentable". Or having short hair. Thats the gayest thing ever. I liked having short hair. But after hearing bull sh*t every single day from people all over. Stupid remarks, my views changed and now, no scissors are coming within 10 feet of my head. I have no idea what Im talking about. Or where Im going. Or what this even has to do with your blog. Mmhm. Rambling again. Sorry.
Chrissy, I wrote this before. This isn\’t so much about rules as much as motivation. Besides, I like you with short hair too. I thought you always wanted to grow it? Anyway, this isn\’t so much about wearing makeup or a certain outfit or whatever. But thinking about long term changes. Like, gaining weight (or losing weight) vs. getting in shape. Does that make any sense? So yeah, I\’m talking external here but what\’s most important is still internal.